For Alagaesia: 36. Heart-wrenching

"Is it a good idea, Eragon?", Roran asked for nearly the hundredth time that morning. Eragon, although fed up with answering the same question repeatedly said, "Yes, Roran. It will be for the best."

"Will she be safe?", Roran asked.

"Roran. Be calm. Vanir has promised me that he would do all he can to keep Katrina safe."

"Yes, I know. You said that already. Still, how will somebody else watch over Katrina like me or you?", Roran said, his voice etched with worry. Eragon was left speechless. Roran had, as a matter of fact, included Eragon as Roran's equal in caring for Katrina. The trust Roran had in him astounded Eragon. Feeling slightly embarrassed for sounding irritated, Eragon said, "Roran. You have seen the elves. They keep their promises whatever the price and Vanir has grown to be one of the few elves, I truly trust. I know of his skills. And Arya has promised Saphira that the other elves going are no mere warriors either. No harm will come to Katrina"

Roran nodded slowly as if pondering Eragon's explanation.

"Who will attend to her during the birth? Elain and Gertrude are here.", Roran asked after a period of silence when Eragon waited patiently for the next question to come for he knew there would be plenty of questions. Roran would never allow Katrina to leave if he had even the slightest doubt about her safety. But for this question, Eragon was unprepared.

"There will be many elves where she goes, Roran. They will take care of her.", Eragon managed to stammer out a response.

"But I can't be near her. I can't see even my baby.", Roran said miserably. Eragon gulped down struggling to control his emotions. Even his newly attained self-control, if one could call it that, couldn't stop the gasp that escaped his lips. After the momentary break-down, Eragon composed himself and tried to speak to Roran. But a lump had formed in his throat, making it impossible to speak. Eragon cleared his throat once to overcome the lump and said, "This is Katrina's only chance to be safe from the dangers of this war, Roran. Even if we die in the war, the child will have a mother and the safety of the Du WeldenVarden."

Once again Roran nodded silently and slowly. Eragon couldn't stand the miserable look on his cousin's face. So he turned away from him.

'Watch over, Roran, little one. He is breaking', Saphira who stood silently by his side said softly. Eragon looked into Roran's down-turned face. Tiny diamond-like tears were filled in his eyes. It was too much for Eragon for it was too long since he had seen tears on Roran's eyes.

"Roran...", he started saying; "It is fine, Eragon. I understand. My family will not be safe by my side till that cursed king dies", Roran said cutting Eragon off, a new determination colouring his voice. Despite the determination, Roran's voice was pained and sounded in a shrill high pitch.

'Roran. Don't be all gloomy. There is a lot of time to think about all that', Saphira said to Roran. Roran looked at Saphira and just nodded yet again.

'He is in a clash with himself, little one. He can't leave Katrina and he also understands the need of her leaving', Saphira said, 'Just give him time.'. Then in a bright tone she said, 'Perhaps, this will be the only time you will see Roran thinking over a subject this thoroughly. He is, afterall, a man of action'. Her good humour rubbed on Eragon and he smiled slightly.

'Somebody is here to see you, Eragon',Saphira said. Eragon turned to see Vanir walking towards them.

"Eragon-elda", Vanir said with a slight bow, "We are ready to go."

"So soon, Vanir?", Eragon asked despite knowing that it was already past the time planned for the elves departure. He just couldn't stand the thought of Roran and Katrina being separated. Vanir raised his eyebrows slightly but didn't comment anything about Eragon's question. Instead, he said, "We will leave through the south gate in half-a-hour" and went back through the way he had come.

"Roran?", Eragon said. Roran nodded his head for the umpteenth time and went into his home in front of which they were having the discussion. Eragon waited outside in order to give Roran and Katrina some much needed private time.

"Just be safe.", Roran's soft yet high pitch voice reached Eragon.

"You be safe. Don't run on dangerous missions all by yourself", Katrina's reply was a strange mix of uncontrolled love and accusation. Eragon smiled at that remark despite himself. It was an unfortunate habit of his cousin's: running into life-threatening troubles to see that his loved ones were alright.

'Its a family thing Eragon.', Saphira said fondly. 'What?', Eragon asked unable to understand what she meant.

'Getting into trouble. You and Roran are adept at it.'

'Trouble comes to us, Saphira. We don't go towards it. And look at us. We have beat all the odds to stay alive and well.', Eragon said.

'Ha!! Pure luck, I would say.', Saphira said although the emotions running through her mind suggested that she accepted Eragon's words.

Roran and Katrina walked out of their home, hands linked tightly. There was a touch of desperation in their hold like they didn't want to let go each others hand. Eragon's heart filled with sorrow for his cousins and a strange longing which he could not place at seeing Roran and Katrina's linked hands.

"Katrina. We have to go to the south gate of the city", Eragon said despite knowing that Roran had informed it to her already. He had found that spending his time on the work at hand helped him a lot in overcoming the depressing feeling of doom that came over him whenever he thought of his past experiences.

Katrina nodded in response, much like Roran had done the whole day. Eragon could somehow relate to them and their mood. He knew so well, how it would feel to be away from a loved one. He had endured it with Arya and Saphira for quite a long time. And he knew their mood because that was how he felt normally. Like his world would snap at the slightest disturbance in the hard-gotten emotionless facade. But in Roran and Katrina's case their emotions were on display on the forefront of their faces. And Eragon hoped that they would remain so. One walking corpse was one too many in their family, already.

'Eragon!! I would tear your heart apart if you ever think of yourself that way again.', Saphira shouted at him. Eragon flinched slightly for he could feel the pure anger emanating from Saphira. He had been the cause of it. He had made his Saphira angry and frustrated. He decided then that he would go on with his character without complaining. If he couldn't expose his feelings to the world, then so be it. If Arya could live with it then he could too.

'Both of you should trust in someone to hold your darkest secrets, Eragon.', Saphira repeated her own words from nights ago. Eragon sighed exasperated and didn't give Saphira any reply. Instead he asked to Roran and Katrina, "Shall we?"

They both nodded in unison and Eragon walked ahead of them. The pair followed him silently although Eragon could hear what they were talking as noiselessly as possible. Katrina asked Roran to eat regularly and not skip meals for which Roran replied obediently that he would do as she told him to. Katrina ruffled Roran's hair, which Eragon saw out of the corner of his eye, and asked him not to worry about her for which Roran reverted back to what he had been doing with Eragon from the morning: nodded his head. From then on they fell into silence, walking noiselessly as they went towards the south end of the city.

But when Eragon turned around to face the two of them, he saw the the silent conversation happening between them, the eyes doing all the talk. Eragon couldn't discern anything out of the silent exchange although he guessed that it was something about Roran worrying about Katrina's welfare with the elves for that was the last topic, they were talking about before they fell into the silent talking. But something about the expression on their faces made Eragon long for a long last feeling.

Eragon cleared his throat to get Roran and Katrina's attention. But they didn't seem to hear him and continued staring into each others face with such intensity that Eragon could feel the tension in the air. At that moment Saphira came swooping down and all three of them snapped their eyes towards her. Eragon recovered first and said, "We are at the south end"

"Oh...", Roran said as if he didn't believe Eragon.

Eragon looked ahead and saw the elves gathered at the gate. It saddened him that the elves who didn't have that great a time-sense arrived at the right time for this.

"They will be waiting", Eragon said when neither Roran nor Katrina made to move.

'Give them time, Eragon', Saphira chided. Eragon didn't reply to that because Saphira had simply voiced his mind.

Roran sighed deeply and pulling Katrina with him drew level with Eragon. Katrina's eyes were filled with tears and it seemed she had given up on her resolution from the day before to leave Roran and go in search of the safety of her child. Eragon tried to smile at her to reassure that everything would be fine. But the happy facade yet again proved impossible to wear. But Roran's face held a new determination. Eragon could almost see the same fire in his eyes that was present when he had yearned to rescue Katrina from the Ra'zac.

'And he would be right to think so. He has to rescue Katrina from the war now', a part of Eragon's mind said to him.

By then they had reached near the gate where Arya was waiting with the elves who were leaving. She eyed the four of them - Roran, Katrina, Eragon and Saphira - and nodded once. Eragon returned the gesture just as formally as Arya greeted them. Saphira walked ahead of Eragon and went to stand by Arya.

Roran and Katrina never left each others hand, holding it like the other's hand was the only link they had to sanity.

"Shur'tugal, Stronghammer. We are late", Vanir who had forfeit leading the group to be Katrina's guard on Eragon's request said. Eragon acknowledged him with a sigh and looked at Katrina.

Katrina's eyes were brimming with tiny drops of tears, but when she spoke there was steel in her voice. "I have wanted to tell you something these past days, Eragon. I thought I could wait a few more days. But I didn't foresee my departure." Eragon could guess what Katrina was about to tell him. He tensed at the thought of being confronted about his aloofness in front of Arya. He didn't know if Arya had noticed it, but he didn't want her to for reasons unknown to him.

"You have to be yourself Eragon. I am worried", Katrina said. Eragon was thankful to Katrina for being subtle with her confrontation or rather advise. In more than one way, Katrina reminded Eragon of Marian, his loving aunt who could very well have been his own mother. Katrina embraced Eragon in a warm hug and a deep sorrow built itself in his heart. On the outside though, his stoic expression remained unchanged and maintaining it took only minimal effort from Eragon.

Each day, his own behaviour taught him more about Arya. She was much more trained than him in behaving indifferently and hence could have hid even stronger emotions than what he was feeling now quite easily and could have given a stoic appearance to matters that were quite sensitive to her. He wondered which of the conversations he had had with her - for which she had been aloof - was really sensitive to her. Instinctively, Eragon looked at Arya peering over Katrina's shoulder. Arya was watching him curiously already. Eragon knew he was in for some trouble and so to avoid an ugly confrontation with Arya, he turned away quickly.

When Katrina let go of him, Eragon felt sad. It was like leaving Marian all over again. But back then, his aunt had died whereas now Katrina was going towards safety, perhaps to the safest place on Alagaesia. He had to be happy but he couldn't be because he knew it wouldn't be anytime soon that he and especially Roran would get to see the little baby for whose sake Katrina was going away.

"Don't exert yourself, Katrina. Ask the elves for anything you need. They will help. Bringing a new life to the world is a great joy and honour for them", Eragon said. Katrina smiled ever so slightly through the tears and said, "I will, Eragon" and walked away.

Katrina went near Saphira and bowed before her. "Look after Eragon, Saphira.", she said and after a moment added, "I will miss you" Saphira arched her neck and touched Katrina on her brows. 'Go happily, oh, caring one. Du WeldenVarden cures the most broken of hearts.', Saphira said. Katrina looked into the huge and deep eyes of Saphira for a while and then moved on. Eragon could sense genuineness in Saphira's words; not just comfort. It was like Saphira was sharing her experience.

Katrina next came face to face with Arya. The two women acknowledged each other with a mutual nod and Katrina said, "Thank you, Lady Arya for your kind gesture. Our family will be indebted to you for this help."

Arya looked a little uneasy at hearing those words and didn't react for a while. Saphira moved a little closer to Arya and stood touching Arya's arms with her neck. Eragon could feel the waves of calmness that Saphira was sending into the mind of the elf princess. As usual, the closeness of Arya and Saphira escaped him. Each passing day, he was presented with a new deeper level of attachment between Saphira and Arya than he had thought existed between them.

Eragon was sure that it was only him, by virtue of ardent observation and Saphira by virtue of close friendship noticed Arya's uneasiness for it lasted only for a fleeting moment after which she composed herself and said in the most regal of tones, "Your gratitude is much appreciated, menskr-kona. May wyrda be kind to you."

All of a sudden there was some commotion behind them. When Eragon turned around to see what it was, he was greeted with the most unusual of sights. Nasuada was coming running towards their little gathering, her night-hawks trying to keep pace with her. It was very much unlike the Varden leader for she always held herself with utmost grace; not that her running was clumpsy or the sort; but the whole idea of Nasuada running towards somebody felt different.

Nasuada barely acknowledged the greetings of the elves. She had eyes only for Katrina.

"You are going away? But you didnot inform me!!", Nasuada said, a hint softness in her voice. Eragon couldn't comprehend the scene before him. He had not known that Katrina and Nasuada were so close as to inform each other when the other was going away.

Katrina hugged Nasuada in a warm embrace and said, "Oh, I am so sorry, Nasuada. I was occupied with worrying about Roran. And you were busy preparing the march to Dras-Leona. I didn't want to distract you. And I didn't mean to run-away without telling you. It was just that all these happened so fast that I couldn't do anything but prepare for the impending travel. I really...." She was cut-off by Nasuada who said, "You are going to the elves homeland? I am glad. Atleast you will be safer than the rest of us."

Katrina extracted herself from Nasuada's embrace and looked into the Varden leader's face with gratitude etched all over her features.

"Go now. You have the blessings of the Varden. And remember to contact me when your cute little baby starts playing with your hands.", Nasuada said.

Eragon wasn't even sure if it was the same Nasuada, his liegelord, talking to Katrina. The Nasuada interacting with Katrina was so different from the Nasuada - the strong willed, righteous and almost rebellious leader - he had known. Nasuada had never given him the impression that she had this side to her except the few times he had seen her during Ajihad's period as Varden leader.

Roran had walked by Katrina silently all the while lending his hand whenever she seemed to lose control. But now that Katrina had finished all her farewells, she had no excuse to stay back with Roran. It was not just Katrina who was in tears then. Roran's eyes started welling up tears too. They stood for a while uncaring of what the world thought of them looking into each other's face like they would never get a chance to do so later. Eragon could feel the very air getting a sad yet romantic mood, a feat - transmission of ones emotions to the surroundings - that could only be achieved by the elves, being achieved by his cousins.

Roran and Katrina tightened their grip on each other's hands and Roran leaned forward to kiss Katrina on her forehead. "Go, my dear. Go to safety. I will be there to see our child enter the world.", Roran whispered into Katrina's ears. She pulled back from him and looked deep into his eyes wanting assurance that his promise was indeed true. Roran assured her with a deft signal from his eyes. Roran then walked Katrina towards the elf-horse waiting to pick her up. Eragon had assured Roran that the elf-horses were safe to ride for Katrina without which assurance he would never have let Katrina ride a horse in her state. When they reached near the horse, Roran helped Katrina on the back of the strange saddleless horse. Roran then turned towards Eragon with a confused look on his face. Eragon assured Roran that it was fine to have no saddle and that it was how elf-bred horses were. Roran appeared unconvinced but let the matter lay as he saw that the horse responded intelligently when Katrina placed her hand on its flanks. "His name is VindrSkati.", a female elf said fondly, "He has been my trusted friend over the years and I hope he will be yours too, Katrina viss-kona."

"Thank you", Katrina said.

"Sjot, bifask fram", a female elf who was apparently leading the group said. "Move forward", Eragon mouthed as Roran looked to him for the meaning.

VindrSkati, the horse as if understanding the order walked ahead slowly. The elves surrounded the horse in a protective formation. Eragon was stunned by the move. It was not just Vanir but the whole company of elves who had taken to protecting Katrina. Eragon turned towards Arya who smiled ever so slightly at him, only to nod and turn away the next moment. Eragon couldn't find words to thank Arya. She had taken more responsibility than he had asked in ensuring Katrina's safe journey to Du WeldenVarden.

'You wouldn't have to thank Arya, little one. She won't expect it', Saphira said softly.

As the company of elves and Katrina went away, Arya and Nasuada took their leave and went back into the city. But Roran stood watching as the elves and the horse carrying Katrina gathered speed and soon were tiny specks at the end of their vision where land and sky met. Eragon could say that Roran saw nothing of it because even for him and Saphira, the elven company looked too small to differentiate from the rolling land. So he placed a hand on his cousin's shoulder and shook him slightly. Roran shuddered as if coming back from a stupor and a huge drop of tear fell from his eyes. Then Roran turned towards Eragon and smiled: a combination of both ruefulness and happiness. Eragon returned the smile mirroring Roran's, showing his true feelings for the first time since his arrival from Uru'baen.

Author's note:

First of all I am so sorry that it took this long to update. I have moved from Ambattur, chennai to Sholinganallur, Chennai in this time, finished my training at TCS and have been occupied with the cricket world cup 2011 where Group B is providing all sorts of entertainment: high scoring ties, low scoring thrillers, impossible run-chases. One common in all these matches has been England. Well, I will leave these rantings with this.

This is again a filler. I had not intended it to be, but it has shaped into one. The core is that Katrina leaves to Du WeldenVarden. I felt Nasuada was a bit too Out of character. But we haven't yet seen how she would behave with personal friends. So this is how she will and this character of her, I took from Eragon(Book 1).

Eragon's stoic and aloof nature continues. And I plan to make him such a person. More light on how he looks to other people will be in the next chapter.

A few new old-norse words that weren't introduced by Paolini were used in this chapter and their meanings are here:

menskr-kona  ---- human-woman

VindrSkati ---- WindRacer(roughly)

Sjot ---- Company/group

bifask ---- move