For Alagaesia: 41. Unlocking his mind

That night Saphira flew non-stop through the plains that were in the control of the Varden and the elves. It amazed Eragon that despite being so near to Uru'baen, they weren't in Galbatorix's lands. He could feel the minds of human and elven patrols on the ground. Even then, the thought of being near Uru'baen made him shiver with fear. It took all of his self control to control the urge. Saphira, who was carrying him and Arya who was behind him must not know that he was afraid. If they did, what would they think of him? No He would not show his fear to them.

Before long, the vast nothingness of the Hadarac welcomed him. Being lonely was what he loved. There, in the absence of other people, he could be himself. He could do and say whatever he wished without fear of being noticed and found fault in. Now, he was alone but for Saphira who was as much part of him as it was possible and Arya who would understand his fears more than anybody else in all the land. He ought to be free. Yet he couldn't. Something was holding him back. He had always imagined that when he was absolutely alone, he would be able to be himself again. He would be able to laugh and play with Saphira as he did always. But now, when the chance to be alone came, he was proved wrong. He was in no more ease than when he was at the Varden. He sighed heavily and accepted the fact as it was: he had become closed. Eragon didn't want to think of such unpleasant things for long for fear being caught by Saphira in the act of doing so and for the sake of his own sanity. So he diverted his attention to his surroundings.

The stars shined brilliantly overhead. Just looking at them gave him a sense of bliss. They would be his companions for all the ages to come, if were to cross the uncross-able hurdle that was Galbatorix. They would remain untainted by time just as he would - companions on whom he could place his trust unlike the others surrounding him except for Saphira. Even Arya wasn't meant to be with him. She would live happily though; he would see to it. But the fact remained that she didn't want to spend her days with him. She would be gone, when their common purpose was done, in her own way, while he would be left to search his way alone with only Saphira and those stars above him for company. So he kept on looking at the stars; his eternal companions. But the more he saw them, the more he was reminded of Arya; she was like the stars - brilliant, powerful and mysterious. Nay. The stars were like her. 'How would I ever see her walk away from me?' The night passed thus: Eragon thinking about his uncertain future, Saphira, flying with single-minded determination to reach the forests by sunrise, Arya choosing to remain in her own thoughts and Glaedr, still trying to bring sense into the estranged little dragon in the egg.

By the time the first rays of the sun fell on the earth, they had reached near the green fringes of Du WeldenVarden; a remarkable distance to cross even for a dragon as powerful and swift as Saphira. Saphira was visibly tired and she dropped down to the ground to cross the magical boundary of the elven forest. Eragon swiftly climbed off of Saphira. Arya followed suit.

'Why did you hide your tiredness from me?', Eragon asked accusingly to Saphira as he could now feel her low energy reserves and aching muscles. 'I didn't want to be in those hope-forsaken lands for long.', she said simply. A wave of cold passed through Eragon as he understood what she meant: 'I didn't want to stay close to Uru'baen.' He nodded his head and silently, worked on mending her tired body.

Arya stood by them looking at the elven home with a fondness, that might have gone unnoticed by many; but not by Eragon. He knew her too well to be fooled by the hard emotionless façade that she wore; her eyes looked in the direction of those forests longingly.

'We shall cross the border first, Eragon.', Saphira said, when he tried to press her to take rest. Eragon obliged for it only seemed appropriate after all the efforts Saphira had taken to reach there. Further, he figured that Arya would be in peace if they went into the forest.

'It will help you too, Eragon', Saphira said softly, 'You have to believe.'

Eragon smiled slightly at her seeing the belief she had in the peace-bringing effect of Du Weldenvarden. But for him, he didn't believe: he was too far gone to be brought back by the calm and timelessness of the elven forest. But he carefully hid his feelings from Saphira lest his mental state should bring her pain.

Eragon walked towards the forest, quietly followed by Saphira. Arya - who had expected them to stay for a while after the long and arduous flight - looked surprised and took her time to catch up with them. Even Glaedr's mood became bright. 'Finally, we go into the home of Oromis for a peaceful and holy reason.', he said enthusiastically although Eragon could feel the raw anguish that passed through the great golden dragon's mind when he mentioned Oromis. But it was only there for a fleeting moment that Eragon even doubted if it was ever there. Glaedr's wisdom amazed Eragon. The elderly dragon was wise enough to not rue over the loss of his rider but rather focussed on what had to be done: what Oromis would have done, were he alive. He didn't think he would grow as wise and as tolerant as Glaedr even if he were to live a thousand years.

As soon as they entered the forest, Eragon could feel the air change. The magic was palpable and a sense of awe came over him. It was the direct opposite of what he had felt in Uru'baen where the dark side of magic resided. The feeling of bliss grew and grew as they walked further into the forest. It grew steadily dark even as the sun rose in the sky, indicating the thickening of the forest. After a hour's brisk walk, the permanent dusk of Du Weldenvarden settled over the place giving it the timeless feeling. Eragon found a sense of belonging in the place. But the calmness that Saphira promised him at Du Weldenvarden never came. He was as anxious and as apprehensive as he ever was looking everything with undue caution. He could see Arya nearly in the same state as himself, which he wouldn't have noticed if he didn't know how it affected people. With a mixture of grief and anger, he remembered that it was in the leafy confines of Du Weldenvarden that Arya and her friends were ambushed by Durza. The cruelty of that act and what the despicable shade did after that made Eragon want to kill the creature all over again: this time giving it more pain.

'Eragon, stay with me. Your anger is pulling you away from me.', Saphira said slamming against his mental barriers. Only then did Eragon realise that he had unintentionally closed his mind to Saphira in his anger. He hastily let her in and her vast presence instantly brushed aside his anger.

'The long journey and silence are getting to you, Eragon. We must rest.', Saphira said. Eragon didn't find any reason to object her suggestion. He himself knew that stopping and feeling the forest would relieve him of his worries. Arya stopped walking on Saphira's word and turned to face Eragon.

"We will find a more secure and perhaps, more aesthetic location to rest for once we stop, we will need some time to refresh ourselves after such a demanding journey."

Saphira didn't even wait for Eragon's reply: she took off into the sky and flew ahead of them. After more than a quarter-hour's searching, Saphira sent Eragon a mental image of a forest brook in a slightly rocky terrain. She sent him the way to reach it and dived down towards it. Eragon conveyed the message to Arya and they both walked through the path Saphira had shown silently.

The sound of falling water and the happy chirping of the birds invited Eragon to the spot Saphira had chosen for them to rest. They had to wade through a lot of bushes and shrubs making it impossible to discover from outside except for the sound of water. When the view cleared, Eragon stood stunned. Had he not seen glory of the gardens of Tialdari hall, he would have dubbed this place, the heaven. But as it stood, Eragon stopped for a few moments to appreciate the beauty of the sheltered place. As did Arya. He could see it in her eyes: the glee at having seen such a place to which nature had poured in all its imagination.The place had untainted natural beauty, which wasn't exaggerated by the elves for there wasn't a elven settlement for leagues and leagues around the place. Yet, it was among the most beautiful of locations Eragon had ever seen. A small stream gurgled along the forest floor, after falling in a picturesque way from a small hill on which it had made a gorge. The base of the hill (or rather the large rock), was locked by small rocks to form a nice little pool of water, on whose borders, Saphira had taken shelter. Beautiful flowers bloomed on the floor and huge oak trees provided shade. The scent of the flowers filled the air giving it all a serene feel.

'Like it?', Saphira asked to the two.

"Very much!!", both of them exclaimed simultaneously forgetting all their worries before nature's gift.

Amazed that he had given the same reply at the same time and even in the same tone as Arya, Eragon turned towards her and found that she was looking at him already. But she turned away in an instant and Eragon was left to wonder if he had imagined the look of amazement in Arya's face.

'I thought so. Both of you always liked such flowery and lonely places.', Saphira said intensifying Eragon's blush by putting him and Arya in the same bracket in tastes.

'But that wasn't why I chose this. This place is sheltered from the outside world whilst we can get a clear view of what transpires outside from here.'

Eragon couldn't agree more. The region was somehow slightly elevated from the rest of the forest(perhaps because of the little hill) and they could clearly see the surrounding areas while they remained hidden behind the rocks.

The shade of the oak trees was so complete that it could have been dusk but for the occasional bit of sunlight that escaped the trees to fall on the water. The splashing water formed small rainbows whenever the sunlight fell on it. Those rainbow coloured water droplets created various shapes that were terrifying and wondrous; meaningful and exotic. Eragon felt that he could watch the scene for eons and never get tired.

As he lay, resting his head against the trunk of a tree, enjoying the various forms that showed up in the water drops, he was forcibly reminded about the terror, he faced on the day that Galbatorix brought Elva with him to try and break Eragon, by a shape that he saw on the water droplets: a dragon. It reminded him of the multi-coloured dragon, with whose help, he successfully hid for a while deep in his own mind from Galbatorix. The terrors of that horrible experience returned to the forefront of his mind and by sheer will of mind, Eragon restrained from shuddering, as a wave of cold passed through his spine. Hastily, he cut off his connection with Saphira for fear of her noticing his change. She growled in disapproval but didn't question him keeping her promise that she wouldn't force him to open up his secrets to her.

Arya, who had been silently watching the dragon egg and speaking with Glaedr, turned her attention towards him. "What is troubling you, Shur'tugal?", she asked kindly.

"It is nothing, Arya", Eragon said hastily not wanting to go through another excruciating session of questioning that would bring his fears out. Arya simply stared at him. He bore her stare for a while, but something in her eyes cautioned him that it wasn't a good idea to stand upto her at that time. So he dropped his stare and glared at the ground instead. In his mind, he was warring with himself, urging his mind to calm down.

"One doesn't sweat in such cold conditions over nothing.", Arya stated plainly. There wasn't any emotion in her words. But that indicated the true implication of the situation to Eragon: she was angry with him. He knew her well enough to know the things that would make her act as she did.

Finding that there was no use in avoiding her eyes, he reverted back to staring at her, but provided no answer for her. She kept staring at him, but after a while, her expression softened. "You have grown distant, Eragon. I have noticed.", she said.

'Blast it! She is not about to leave me in peace.', Eragon thought and refocussed on the splashing water droplets of the little waterfalls.

"You shouldn't avoid your friends, Eragon, when we try to help you. Tell me, what ails you?" Arya's voice now carried genuine care.

"You know that as well as I.", Eragon replied flatly, not taking his eyes from the waterfalls. Arya remained silent for a while and Eragon thought that maybe, she had dropped the topic. He sighed in relief. But apparently, he was mistaken, for Arya, in a rare display of emotion, put her hand on his shoulder and forced him to look into her eyes.

"You should talk, Eragon. Keeping it a secret will only increase your pain."

Arya's words sparked something in him. Not just her words but the tone in which they were uttered: pitiful. Who was she to pity him, when she always reprimanded him when he tried to help her? Who was she to order him to divulge his secrets when she never told any of hers?

"Why should I when you never talk of your secrets? Won't your secrets give you pain? Or are you above petty feelings like pain?", he burst out.

Arya's eyes flashed dangerously. But that anger was replaced by hurt in a matter of few seconds which in turn was crushed beneath the unreadable regal expression that Arya wore at public meetings. It was too long since Eragon had seen Arya wear that mask when he and she were alone. It hurt him to see that.

Saphira calmly looked on, never making an attempt to interrupt their uncomfortable conversation. But as he was intimately connected to Saphira, Eragon could feel her emotions. She was hurt too from Eragon's not-so-friendly words to Arya. Then, an unexpected second emotion leaked through their link to him: fear. Saphira was afraid at his condition.

Arya never took her eyes from his face, yet her face was perfectly emotionless. Eragon tried looking away from her as a means of escaping her scrutiny, but failed miserably. Something in the back of his mind, kept him aware that Arya was looking at him, hurt because of his words and waiting for a reply to her query.

Unbidden, images of Arya being abused by the council of elders and tortured by Durza came to his mind. From his understanding of her character, he figured that, if she really considered him a friend, then his retort to her query would have given her more pain than both of those events. How cruel was he to hurt Arya so? What right did he have to do so?

So thinking, he peeked a glance at Arya. She was still looking vaguely in his direction, but he could say that something was running in her mind. 'Maybe, she is measuring how cruel I am?', he thought. For some reason, that thought brought tears to his eyes. He didn't even know if he cried for being cruel. Somehow, he could feel rather than know that, it was much more than that. Those were the tears he had kept under check for the past fortnight. The tears that always threatened to break in at the most inopportune time. The tears that he had pushed away resolutely by sheer power of will: that which he had cultivated under the handling of Galbatorix.

"I was afraid.", he said mildly that even his ears had to strain to pick his words up. With his eyes, fixed upon the waterfall again, Eragon repeated a little louder, "Afraid, Arya." Arya looked at him now, concern etched in her features. The tears slowly gathered on his eyes and started flowing down his cheeks.

Everything, that he kept hidden in his mind from Saphira flowed into Saphira's mind. He opened himself up completely for her to occupy. Every single fear that he had felt: silly and necessary reached her. She remained silent all through the flow of memories. But, when he showed her the day when Galbatorix had taken Elva along with him to the torture 'chamber', she roared out her anger finally.

'He will die for this.', Saphira screamed out to the world. Glaedr, who had kept away from the whole event, choosing to watch it from the sidelines, even when Eragon's mind had gone towards him for advise, entered Saphira's mind calming her down.

Arya kept looking at him, expecting him to elaborate. "I thought I will never see you all again.", Eragon said after a while, still looking at the waterfalls.

"I didn't know day or night. All I knew was the vicious voice of Galbatorix and his maniacal gloating. I lost all sense of time and the only thing I wished for was to see you all atleast once before I died. And I was always afraid Arya, I was always afraid of the things that Galbatorix would plan to do to me. I was so frightened that I would break and become a slave like Murtagh." His voice broke down at this. And his hands began to shake. The dark days he spent in the cell in Uru'baen played out in his mind. Fear engulfed him again like a blanket and he shuddered. His hands shook non-stop.

"I am weak.", he murmured to the rocks.

He felt warm, quite suddenly, as Arya took his hand in hers and held it tightly. He looked at her face once and turned back towards the waterfalls.

"I am weak", he repeated.

"No. Eragon, you are not.", Arya said softly, "You are the strongest of men."

Eragon smiled forlornly for he thought that Arya was telling him that just to make him feel better.

"I was afraid too, Eragon. Fear is not weakness.", she said, still holding his hand tightly. The shaking of his hands stopped gradually. They remained thus for a while. A measure of peace was settling in Eragon's mind. Saphira was making her best efforts to control her anger. If not for Glaedr, she would have surely flown to Uru'baen to kill Galbatorix. Eragon was grateful to Glaedr for controlling Saphira, who was slowly regaining her senses.

"Oromis taught me that fear is a necessity for all things made of flesh and blood. When we last went to Ellesmera, I was nearly in the same state as you are now: loathing myself for being weak. Oromis spoke to me. He taught me that even though I was afraid, I had succeeded in defying the shade. That is what is important. Achieving your goals, overcoming the fear. Fear is a primal emotion, Eragon. It will always be present in us. There is nothing to be ashamed of in fearing the evil.", Arya said calmly to Eragon. The words soothed Eragon's apprehension that Arya and Saphira would think him weak for fearing Galbatorix.

'I will never think you weak, little one. Do you really that I am that dumb to think you weak? To say the truth, I am afraid of Galbatorix now, after seeing all that he has done to you. Experiencing them for real... None will think you weak for this Eragon.', Saphira said, her whole demeanour emanating sorrow.

"Thank you.", Eragon said to both Arya and Saphira. A huge burden from his mind was gone. He felt fresh and tired at the same time.

"You should rest.", Arya suggested and releasing his hand, stood and walked away towards the waterfalls.

'Arya was really kind to you, little one.', Saphira said, a bit of teasing tone ingrained in her genuine appreciation of the elven princess's act.

'Yes, she was.', Eragon said, slightly blushing and immensely grateful for Arya's kind gesture and fell back on the tree trunk to get a much needed rest. Soon, he passed into the realm of dreams, the first time he had done so, with the absence of Saphira by his side since he returned to the Varden.

Author's Note:

The friendship between Eragon and Arya has turned into a deeply trusted one. Eragon has opened up to Arya when he denied to do so when Saphira and Roran bid him to. Hope you liked it.