Eragon bent over from his position to catch Saphira's neck spikes as she performed a backward dive. They were far above the ground so as to avoid detection, but with their superior eye sight they could see everything that was on the ground. The ground seemed calm. There was no disturbance except for an odd deer running around. The situation was very peaceful. But Eragon & Saphira were hardly at peace. It was 4 days since the battle of Feinster but the memories of Glaedr during the last moments of Oromis still haunted them. A strange sense of guilt was creeping over Eragon. Saphira contacted him and said 'Do not think that you were responsible for their deaths, Eragon. They were more than capable of defending themselves. It was only ill-luck that must be blamed.' Eragon wasn't in any mood to speak about them then and so just nodded his head even though he knew she couldn't see him from her position. Saphira understanding his situation remained calm for a while. But Eragon's state wasn't anywhere near improved even after such prolonged isolation. So Saphira tugged at his mind till he let his barrier down. Once she established contact with him she pulled him deep into her mind. Eragon tried to resist. But she was too stubborn that he let her take control. Soon his vision was tinged blue and he felt considerably comfortable. But still there seemed to be a little discomfort and soon Eragon noticed that it was from Saphira that the discomfiting feeling rose. He was embarrassed to have thought that he was the only one to be affected heavily by their master's deaths. He knew Saphira just like the back of his hand. But had forgot her in his distress. She had tried to comfort him many times in the past four days. But he hadn't done that one bit with Saphira. He wanted to apologize to her. But before he could say anything, Saphira said to him, 'Little One, Don't worry about me. I am a dragon and I am strong.' For the first time in hours Eragon spoke, "Oh, Saphira... I am so sorry! I know that the loss of Glaedr is too much for you. You are alone again." Saphira answered him quite heatedly, 'No. I am not. I have you.' But after a slight pause, 'But you are right. He was the only other dragon in this whole land' Eragon sighed. Then in a biting voice answered her, "For this alone I could kill Galbatorix a hundred times." Saphira who had been so quiet till then let out a burst of flames and said to Eragon, 'If only that traitor hadn't enslaved the eldunarya, we could just now fly over his ill-gotten city and shred him to pieces'. Eragon patted Saphira's flanks partly in appreciation of her words and partly in desperation due to the truth behind them.
Just then a mental probe arrived and Eragon hastily pulled up his barriers-and after establishing that it was Arya-he let them down. Arya in a annoyed tone says to him, 'Don't you know the meaning of a scouting trip, Eragon? Why did you let those flames out for all to see?' Eragon who was already grumpy snapped at her, 'Just because you can see it doesn't mean those pigs of the empire too can.' Arya might have noticed his boiling anger because she didn't react with surprise or any of the other reactions one might expect in that situation but she answered him in utmost kindness almost akin to a mother, 'Enough of the scouting Eragon and Saphira. We have reached plain lands where we can see and feel with mind the presence of any empire soldiers without much difficulty from the ground itself. You can now come join us.' Eragon was even more agitated at being addressed so like a misbehaving child and was about to ignore Arya's message when Saphira started heading straight down. Eragon in the frenzy caught Saphira's spikes and before he could protest her action, she said to him, 'Arya meant well, Eragon. She only wanted to make sure that we don't do anything untoward in our anger.' 'I know Saphira. But ...' Eragon couldn't find words to justify his claim and so became quiet. Saphira said to him, 'We can trust Arya with our lives, Eragon. You know that'. 'I know...' Eragon tried to protest, but when Saphira didn't say anything, he understood that she understood him perfectly.
By then Saphira had alighted near Arya and as Eragon saw her all his anger at her vanished just like that. Eragon in way of asking for her forgiveness started to say, "Arya I..." But she cut him off mid sentence and said, "Don't worry, Eragon. I understand." and then she went away saying that there were things to discuss with Nasuada. Eragon was once again embarrassed at his assumptions. But how did Arya and Saphira have that effect on him, he will never know. Saphira said to him, 'Only people close to you can understand you, Eragon. Is it that difficult to comprehend?' Eragon stroked the scales on her foreleg and she hummed in contentment.
Eragon turned around as his 12 elven guards came running and surrounded him. He greeted them all in the traditional elven style and got appropriate replies. They walked slowing down their pace so as to keep up with the humans who were walking with them. This gave Eragon so much free time and so he left the job of scouting of the surroundings to his guards and went into a deep thinking state. His mind raced from the darkest thoughts like the Eldunarya trapped by Galbatorix to the brightest thoughts like Katrina's soon to be born child. Saphira constant vigilance within his mind pushed away the dark thoughts and he started to reminisce about the times just about 2 years ago. Back then he was considered a courageous youngster who dared to hunt in the Spine. But now he was soon going to be uncle of a child who was a hero even before its birth thanks to its father's exploits. The thought of Roran being a father made him feel old and that coupled with his tired body made him think of himself as a old man who would sit on the verandah of his home and speak of his adventures to his grand children. As he pictured himself like that he could almost see Brom telling tales of the old to the people of Carvahall and slight smile settled on his lips. But then a seething anger came back to his mind when he thought of his father's untimely demise and the fire to burn Galbatorix alive started blanketing his mind again. He knew then that he will never be able to quell that fire until Galbatorix laid dead before him. That thought brought back the desperation of not being able to do that just then. This desperation leaked through their link to Saphira and she spoke to him, 'Oh, little one.... don't think of it. Speak with the others. It will help you calm down.' Although Eragon knew that this heavy mood that had set in him was because he had still not come to terms with the death of Oromis, he knew Saphira had a valid point. After all they weren't new to losing loved ones. 'How strange!' thought Eragon. The fact that these many deaths hadn't broken him down was itself a miracle. But the fact that he was still keeping on fighting was improbable but true. Saphira said to him, 'That's because there still are loved ones for us to fight for, Eragon. Now go. See Katrina and convey my wishes to her. Her child will relieve you of this stress.' Aren't you coming?', Eragon asked her. 'No, I have to hunt. Its been three days since I last ate.' 'Ok. Then go. But be careful. We are in the Empire.', Eragon said with mild concern. 'Don't worry, Eragon. I will be.', she said before she took off. 'Be close', Eragon warned her. She sent him an approval. Eragon turned to his guards and said "Will some of you keep an eye on Saphira's surroundings? She has gone hunting." Blodhgarm replied, "We have already made arrangements, Shadeslayer." Eragon thanked him and told them to move along as he went to see his cousins. Blodhgarm suggested that Eragon take atleast one of his guards with him. Eragon not wanting another argument with the wolf like elf agreed and so Blodhgarm himself accompanied Eragon.
As Eragon walked through the tents which looked like a long snake he remembered his last meeting with his cousins. It was the day after the battle of Feinster and Eragon was mourning his masters. He was looking at the sea and its raging waves that hit the shore. His guards were a little away from him. He was crying away the tears that had threatened to overwhelm him for the past six hours in that secluded place. They were the tears that he had held from spilling in order to comfort Arya. But that fact didn't give him any comfort; only further heart-ache. He had completely closed off his mind to his surroundings and hence did not notice Roran's approach. Roran was mostly cheerful because they had taken the city without much hassle. He patted Eragon on the back on his approach and greeted him cheerfully. Eragon made a valiant effort to hide his tears by wiping them away and by trying to settle a smile on his face as he turned. Most would have been fooled by this, but not Roran. As soon as Eragon turned to look at Roran, he found that something was amiss and asked, "What is wrong?, Eragon". Eragon not wanting to retell his master's demise said, "Nothing. I am fine. Why do you ask?" "Because I know you too well to know when you are alright and when you are not. What happened? Is something missing?", Roran said in reply. Eragon sighed and said, "My teachers. They are dead.". "What? How do you know?", Roran asked actually concerned for his cousin. Eragon simply said, "I know." Roran stood there looking down on Eragon and said, "Don't keep too many secrets in you, Eragon. It will destroy you." "But I have to", said Eragon exasperatedly and added in a more biting and self-pitying way, "Being a Shurtugal, I have to." Roran put his hands around Eragon Shoulders and said, "Don't worry, Eragon. It will all get better. Angvard will have his say." Eragon smiled bitterly and thought back to Oromis and his lessons about God being a myth. Roran was not fazed by this ignorance because he pressed Eragon's arm with his hand. Eragon was eternally thankful for Roran for understanding his plight. But he didn't show it and stared out into the sea. Roran was silent for a while and then said, "I came to take you to Katrina. She wanted to see you." Eragon turned and looked at Roran tears forming in his eyes. Roran understanding his situation let him be there and told him that he was welcome at his 'home' anytime. Eragon had spent another three hours there on the sea shore during which time Saphira joined him and advised him to go see Katrina. Eragon along with Saphira left the sea shore and went to Roran's tent. Katrina was there moving things from the part that served as the kitchen. As she saw Eragon and Saphira approach, she put the things that she was carrying away and came to their side. She came over and hugged Eragon lightly. Eragon knew from her comforting look that Roran had told Katrina about his distress. He expected comforting words directed at him. But when she said, "Oh, poor things come here." beckoning not only him but also Saphira, he was surprised. She spoke comforting words to both of them and Eragon could see that she had already become the loving mother she would be in a few months. He liked that feeling because it was years since he had known what a motherly embrace would be like. At that moment he was so glad to have Katrina as his cousin. As his thoughts moved from there to Marian, his aunt, he was notified by Blodhgarm that they had reached their destination. Eragon asked Blodhgarm to wait outside while he went in. Blodhgarm conveyed his acceptance and went to sit on a stone that was near the tent. Eragon ducked into the tent to see Roran sitting by Katrina who was on her bed. Seeing Eragon, Roran's face lit up with a true smile and he came forward to hug him. Then he asked, "How have you been coping?" for which Eragon simply answered "Better". Katrina beckoned him in to sit by her bedside. Eragon did so and inquired about her health. She said that she was as healthy as a pregnant woman can be. Eragon found himself lightening and he thanked Saphira silently for suggesting a visit to his cousins. Roran said that he was to lead a scouting party in mere hours and excused himself from the conversation and concentrated on packing and dressing up in his war attire in which Eragon helped. Just as their conversation was about to resume, a messenger came in and informed him that Nasuada was looking for Eragon. Eragon excused himself from his cousins after wishing luck to Roran.
Eragon was stopped by Nasuada's guards for a second before they stood aside admitting him in. Blodhgarm didn't enter the tent and chose to stay with Nasuada's guards. As he went in Eragon turned back to see the strange sight of the confluence of Elves, Humans, Dwarves and Urgals and smiled slightly at the sight. When he turned his attention to the tent he saw Arya, Nasuada and Jormundur staring at him. The unusually low number of people didn't disconcert him because he had felt their presence even when he was out of the tent. He bowed to Nasuada, greeted Arya and nodded at Jormundur. Then Nasuada said, "Take your seat, Eragon." Eragon nodded and sat on a chair directly opposite to Jormundur on flanks of Nasuada who was sitting at the head of the table directly opposite Arya. Then she said, "As I was saying we are just a day's march from Belatona and should be prepared for any eventuality." Eragon paid attention quite keenly because he wanted to be updated of the things he had missed. But there was not much to be talked because they had made preparations even before leaving Feinster. Eragon spent most of his time being quiet as the talking became redundant. Arya was more subdued than she would normally be in meetings. But he was sure that only he-who knew her behaviour quite thoroughly having observed her silently during all those times when he was searching for a way to win her over-noticed it even though Jormundur and Nasuada had known Arya for a longer period than him. But he admired her for hiding her sadness behind her mask of indifference that she usually wore during political meetings. As his focus was thus shifting from the meeting, Nasuada raised her voice a little to get his attention and said with a small smile, "I have an announcement. King Orik had contacted me just before I called this meeting. In fact, I called this meeting to inform of that news. The Dwarves have left Farthen Dur and will be joining us as soon as possible." Jormundur was evidently happy as he banged his hand on the table and said, "Its about time they joined the fight." Arya as usual did not show her real reaction for the news choosing to take in the news as silently as she did with most such news. Eragon was not exactly happy. This just meant another one of his loved ones was in battle. But logically it was good for the Varden and so he nodded his head in approval and mouthed, "Good" with not much conviction even though he knew only Arya could hear him. As the meeting was dismissed he came out of the tent with Arya and they shared a knowing look that suggested that their mindsets were similar at that moment and nodded their heads to each other before departing in their own ways.
Eragon turned around as his 12 elven guards came running and surrounded him. He greeted them all in the traditional elven style and got appropriate replies. They walked slowing down their pace so as to keep up with the humans who were walking with them. This gave Eragon so much free time and so he left the job of scouting of the surroundings to his guards and went into a deep thinking state. His mind raced from the darkest thoughts like the Eldunarya trapped by Galbatorix to the brightest thoughts like Katrina's soon to be born child. Saphira constant vigilance within his mind pushed away the dark thoughts and he started to reminisce about the times just about 2 years ago. Back then he was considered a courageous youngster who dared to hunt in the Spine. But now he was soon going to be uncle of a child who was a hero even before its birth thanks to its father's exploits. The thought of Roran being a father made him feel old and that coupled with his tired body made him think of himself as a old man who would sit on the verandah of his home and speak of his adventures to his grand children. As he pictured himself like that he could almost see Brom telling tales of the old to the people of Carvahall and slight smile settled on his lips. But then a seething anger came back to his mind when he thought of his father's untimely demise and the fire to burn Galbatorix alive started blanketing his mind again. He knew then that he will never be able to quell that fire until Galbatorix laid dead before him. That thought brought back the desperation of not being able to do that just then. This desperation leaked through their link to Saphira and she spoke to him, 'Oh, little one.... don't think of it. Speak with the others. It will help you calm down.' Although Eragon knew that this heavy mood that had set in him was because he had still not come to terms with the death of Oromis, he knew Saphira had a valid point. After all they weren't new to losing loved ones. 'How strange!' thought Eragon. The fact that these many deaths hadn't broken him down was itself a miracle. But the fact that he was still keeping on fighting was improbable but true. Saphira said to him, 'That's because there still are loved ones for us to fight for, Eragon. Now go. See Katrina and convey my wishes to her. Her child will relieve you of this stress.' Aren't you coming?', Eragon asked her. 'No, I have to hunt. Its been three days since I last ate.' 'Ok. Then go. But be careful. We are in the Empire.', Eragon said with mild concern. 'Don't worry, Eragon. I will be.', she said before she took off. 'Be close', Eragon warned her. She sent him an approval. Eragon turned to his guards and said "Will some of you keep an eye on Saphira's surroundings? She has gone hunting." Blodhgarm replied, "We have already made arrangements, Shadeslayer." Eragon thanked him and told them to move along as he went to see his cousins. Blodhgarm suggested that Eragon take atleast one of his guards with him. Eragon not wanting another argument with the wolf like elf agreed and so Blodhgarm himself accompanied Eragon.
As Eragon walked through the tents which looked like a long snake he remembered his last meeting with his cousins. It was the day after the battle of Feinster and Eragon was mourning his masters. He was looking at the sea and its raging waves that hit the shore. His guards were a little away from him. He was crying away the tears that had threatened to overwhelm him for the past six hours in that secluded place. They were the tears that he had held from spilling in order to comfort Arya. But that fact didn't give him any comfort; only further heart-ache. He had completely closed off his mind to his surroundings and hence did not notice Roran's approach. Roran was mostly cheerful because they had taken the city without much hassle. He patted Eragon on the back on his approach and greeted him cheerfully. Eragon made a valiant effort to hide his tears by wiping them away and by trying to settle a smile on his face as he turned. Most would have been fooled by this, but not Roran. As soon as Eragon turned to look at Roran, he found that something was amiss and asked, "What is wrong?, Eragon". Eragon not wanting to retell his master's demise said, "Nothing. I am fine. Why do you ask?" "Because I know you too well to know when you are alright and when you are not. What happened? Is something missing?", Roran said in reply. Eragon sighed and said, "My teachers. They are dead.". "What? How do you know?", Roran asked actually concerned for his cousin. Eragon simply said, "I know." Roran stood there looking down on Eragon and said, "Don't keep too many secrets in you, Eragon. It will destroy you." "But I have to", said Eragon exasperatedly and added in a more biting and self-pitying way, "Being a Shurtugal, I have to." Roran put his hands around Eragon Shoulders and said, "Don't worry, Eragon. It will all get better. Angvard will have his say." Eragon smiled bitterly and thought back to Oromis and his lessons about God being a myth. Roran was not fazed by this ignorance because he pressed Eragon's arm with his hand. Eragon was eternally thankful for Roran for understanding his plight. But he didn't show it and stared out into the sea. Roran was silent for a while and then said, "I came to take you to Katrina. She wanted to see you." Eragon turned and looked at Roran tears forming in his eyes. Roran understanding his situation let him be there and told him that he was welcome at his 'home' anytime. Eragon had spent another three hours there on the sea shore during which time Saphira joined him and advised him to go see Katrina. Eragon along with Saphira left the sea shore and went to Roran's tent. Katrina was there moving things from the part that served as the kitchen. As she saw Eragon and Saphira approach, she put the things that she was carrying away and came to their side. She came over and hugged Eragon lightly. Eragon knew from her comforting look that Roran had told Katrina about his distress. He expected comforting words directed at him. But when she said, "Oh, poor things come here." beckoning not only him but also Saphira, he was surprised. She spoke comforting words to both of them and Eragon could see that she had already become the loving mother she would be in a few months. He liked that feeling because it was years since he had known what a motherly embrace would be like. At that moment he was so glad to have Katrina as his cousin. As his thoughts moved from there to Marian, his aunt, he was notified by Blodhgarm that they had reached their destination. Eragon asked Blodhgarm to wait outside while he went in. Blodhgarm conveyed his acceptance and went to sit on a stone that was near the tent. Eragon ducked into the tent to see Roran sitting by Katrina who was on her bed. Seeing Eragon, Roran's face lit up with a true smile and he came forward to hug him. Then he asked, "How have you been coping?" for which Eragon simply answered "Better". Katrina beckoned him in to sit by her bedside. Eragon did so and inquired about her health. She said that she was as healthy as a pregnant woman can be. Eragon found himself lightening and he thanked Saphira silently for suggesting a visit to his cousins. Roran said that he was to lead a scouting party in mere hours and excused himself from the conversation and concentrated on packing and dressing up in his war attire in which Eragon helped. Just as their conversation was about to resume, a messenger came in and informed him that Nasuada was looking for Eragon. Eragon excused himself from his cousins after wishing luck to Roran.
Eragon was stopped by Nasuada's guards for a second before they stood aside admitting him in. Blodhgarm didn't enter the tent and chose to stay with Nasuada's guards. As he went in Eragon turned back to see the strange sight of the confluence of Elves, Humans, Dwarves and Urgals and smiled slightly at the sight. When he turned his attention to the tent he saw Arya, Nasuada and Jormundur staring at him. The unusually low number of people didn't disconcert him because he had felt their presence even when he was out of the tent. He bowed to Nasuada, greeted Arya and nodded at Jormundur. Then Nasuada said, "Take your seat, Eragon." Eragon nodded and sat on a chair directly opposite to Jormundur on flanks of Nasuada who was sitting at the head of the table directly opposite Arya. Then she said, "As I was saying we are just a day's march from Belatona and should be prepared for any eventuality." Eragon paid attention quite keenly because he wanted to be updated of the things he had missed. But there was not much to be talked because they had made preparations even before leaving Feinster. Eragon spent most of his time being quiet as the talking became redundant. Arya was more subdued than she would normally be in meetings. But he was sure that only he-who knew her behaviour quite thoroughly having observed her silently during all those times when he was searching for a way to win her over-noticed it even though Jormundur and Nasuada had known Arya for a longer period than him. But he admired her for hiding her sadness behind her mask of indifference that she usually wore during political meetings. As his focus was thus shifting from the meeting, Nasuada raised her voice a little to get his attention and said with a small smile, "I have an announcement. King Orik had contacted me just before I called this meeting. In fact, I called this meeting to inform of that news. The Dwarves have left Farthen Dur and will be joining us as soon as possible." Jormundur was evidently happy as he banged his hand on the table and said, "Its about time they joined the fight." Arya as usual did not show her real reaction for the news choosing to take in the news as silently as she did with most such news. Eragon was not exactly happy. This just meant another one of his loved ones was in battle. But logically it was good for the Varden and so he nodded his head in approval and mouthed, "Good" with not much conviction even though he knew only Arya could hear him. As the meeting was dismissed he came out of the tent with Arya and they shared a knowing look that suggested that their mindsets were similar at that moment and nodded their heads to each other before departing in their own ways.
Author's Note:
This is just a filler. But I felt it necessary to convey the state in which the main characters were.
Nice voice, and you are right, you stayed true to CP's writing style. A very nice read! If you want constructive criticism, well, here it is: When you are writing, thoughts are italicized, and dialogue indented. This is a good draft for one written quickly, fairly good grammar, homophones, spelling, etc. An improvement would be to not make such lengthy paragraphs, because when you do, you tend to speed up events and makes your story seem like a monologue: Eragon flew on Saphira, then he went to Nasuada's tent to attend a council, then they were attacked by surprise... CP has great examples of drawing out details in his writing; his drafts are clear and forms a mental image of what he is talking about. My advice, coming from a writer to another, is to slow down, and extend your writing. Don't monologue and talk all about actions, try to add in more description, feeling, and rhetoric devices. If you're stuck, I recommend reading several pages of other FanFictions first, to get the feel of the writing, among those include Ceranthor's The Ruins of Alagaesia, the works of Durza II, or Az Ragni's Tears of Watching. Also, I would work on my transitions, moving from one paragraph to another... Overall, you show great promise, and good luck on the approaching chapters...
ReplyDeletesaphira says she is the only dragon- there is thorn and he is still alive
ReplyDeleteAUTHOR'S RESPONSE: @kingelve, So is Shruikan. Thorn isn't a 'real' dragon according to Saphira. Any dragon who can't do as he/she chooses to is not a real dragon.... read Brisingr and Eragon's guide to Alagaesia.....
ReplyDeleteBut you are right. Thorn is an unfortunate dragon.....